When I was a kid, I used to stay a lot at my Aunty’s in Marske-by-the-Sea on the North Sea coast . It was great fun. I loved the beach, even if it was freezing cold, which it often is up there! I remember vividly my cousin Diane posting a note (which was there for years) on the back of the bathroom door that said, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera,” referring to a TV program from the 60s. Little did I know at the age of 8 how ironic that was. It took me until I was 38 to read George Orwell’s “1984″.

We have spent the last 30-plus years locking down our homes with mortice locks and deadbolts, but we seem to have completely forgotten about our personal privacy, which can actually leverage equal damage. Now, it’s too late. Privacy is gone. That longstanding aspect of our lives is as extinct as the dodo. Our data has been assimilated by the big social networks for up to 7 years, by Google for 12 years, by mobile phone companies for 20 years, and by the banks and governments for even longer.

Its an ordinary day, but you’re doing something special; you’re meeting friends for a coffee in a store down town. You’re chatting, you’re gossiping, you’re catching up,  discussing the merits of disposable nappies or, the latest offering from a mobile network company. Suddenly, right there next to your table somebody starts walking up and down with a placard showing the brand name of those companies on it you have been talking about. You laugh at it, you try to ignore and after a few moments become irritated by it.

Then, even ruder, you’re having a conversation about your next holidays in New Zealand and up pops a message board right there in the middle of the table. It might be quirky to begin with, even fun, but eventually that interruption becomes nothing short of bombardment. That’s what and will happen on a fundamental basis in the future. And it won’t stop there. That person that was walking up and down with the placards with the nappy brand on it, was discreetly looking through your handbag taking data that will help that same person market to you when you’re sat on the loo and on the intercom in your new car when ‘social’ introduces itself to the driving experience. Welcome to in real life what Facebook and Twitter are doing to you online. Of course you know that.

Most of us would admit that when Facebook launched way back in 2004, it was a game changer. It stole the show and created demand for social networking, which individuals across the world didn’t know they needed. In the last year, though, Facebook has changed, as it becomes busy fulfilling the demand not of its users but of the brands that drive its revenue and shareholder value, other brands will see that the gate has opened and the horse has bolted! Opportunities are everywhere, and everything can be remade. Unthink is just one of the first out of the traps.

Facebook’s changes in the last few weeks are just tweaks. Seriously, they’re not revolutionary. When Henry Ford brought the first mass-produced motor car to the market in 1908 it changed the world, but since then the industry has just been fiddling with the original design. When James Dyson launched a snazzy new vacuum cleaner it was a game changer, but since then all they have been doing is fine tuning.

The future is about building several communities full of connections and monetising that rather than creating products and trying to sell them to a bunch of people we are disconnected to. We have forgotten how much social capital really matters as we were busy breeding a couple of generations where human capital was expressed as the sole attribute to have.

I’ve talked a lot about how we have to get up close, intimate and personal with customers. They cost too much to attract and are too valuable to lose. The problem is how we scale that. We are seeing brands and individuals building significant followings and not being able to engage and initiate a cherished relationship, myself included. Its a real head scratcher!

We know and accept that its the density of the network/community not the numbers that matter. We are frustrated with the lack of ability to govern it. We can use IT to listen, identify and deliver customised experiences but we still need to ensure that the algorithmic activity flocks to a common rendezvous with social. The semantic web will create some succor but it won’t provide all the answers. Computers still can’t interpret human emotion, intent and sentiment the same way us humans can.

I wish I had a £10 note for every time someone has said to me “But I still want to meet people and physically engage with another human.” I can assure you, I’d be writing this from my boat in the Mediterranean, if I had got all those £10 notes. With some emphasis us social media geeks need to articulate that only a moronic would believe that social media exclusively sits only in the online arena playing its own game.

We have inflated, defective and erratic expectations about what social media can achieve only online. In fact, we would be missing a significant ‘real deal’ opportunity if we did. Social media allows us to do what we have always done offline but just in a bigger, quicker and sometimes better way. However, like any form of marketing its never easy grabbing and holding peoples attention, its just as formidable as it ever was, particularly in a world deluged with information, content and news.

There are some things that are just dumbfounding! So when I read a tweet by @jamesmb about penguins and reindeer being used as part of the festive display @HamleysToys I had to check my diary to make sure it was 2010 not 1910! This blog is not about to delve into the realms of animal welfare issues, thats for another forum. Needless to say I find their marketing ploy abhorrent.

No I’m blogging, with the bit between my teeth because this is a display by Hamleys Toys of pure arrogance or, perhaps, it’s just complete inertia. I tweeted immediately last night “Absolutely disgusted in your disregard for animal welfare. Penguins should be in their natural habitat not used as sales props!” I’m still waiting for a response. I’m not the only one. Interestingly, they haven’t tweeted themselves since 9.47pm (29th November.) I have visions of their official tweeter having either run for the hills or hiding behind the sofa hoping we will all go away.

It’s a classic case of a company not knowing how to deal with real time discussion and conversation. Hamleys Toys, the whole point in social media is to engage not ignore, especially when the news isn’t good or people are reacting badly to a decision you have made. You’ve gone into complete lock down. Something people only do when they feel threatened. You are beginning to make me yawn with the news that another company doesn’t get social media.

We’ll unfortunately see more of it as business rushes to join the crowds on social media without the grey matter to understand how it works, why its different and why you just can’t shout nor hide anymore. Get a grip Hamleys Toys, come out from under your uncommunicative bushel, start being transparent and recognise you not only made a huge old fashioned mistake (very ill advised marketing activity) and start responding to your consumers. Did you not observe the recent Nestle case study?

A little marketing advice, stop the penguin and reindeer exhibition and instead put a sign up saying you have donated the costs to the WWF and start corresponding on Twitter with some very important people in your life, your consumers. The power is back on the streets, its been there for some time now. Learn how to correspond on the same level with a group of people that are empowered to both promote and belittle you. You have two choices; if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or join the party, its a great place to be but you need to learn how to socialise!

I was kindly asked by Social Me to write this blog post. Social Me is a collaboration between Chris Hall (Cow Bell) and Kate Spiers (Wisdom London.) www.socialme-dia.co.uk/blog

The ‘following’ or the ‘liking’ is not a tick box activity – if so, it just renders social media worthless. We seem to have become obsessed with numbers, how many friends, fans and followers we have. It’s immaterial, superfluous and limiting.

We all use social media in differing ways. That’s fine. In fact, it’s downright cool, however, there is no point in having 1000, 5000, 10 000 followers if you are not enabling anything. Whatever the number, we have to start thinking quick about how to build relationships with people. That means serving our fans imaginatively, energetically and profitably over the long haul.

Relationships don’t develop, cement and become strong without attention. We need to wander around, understand and actually show up to our social media communities. We are not collecting numbers. We are collecting human beings who want conversation and interaction. Our primary role on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin etc is to help followers/fans fulfill their goals whether it be connecting, conversation or participation. We do that by intrinsically understanding what people value, and what inspires and motivates them. Simple.

Well that’s quite an audacious statement. If we are to believe Dunbar’s theory, we can’t have a close relationship with more than 150 people – which is perhaps why we have become sucked into the chasm of irony: broadcasting on social media. Trey Pennington talks about “I see you”, meaning that you believe and communicate that all followers are important and special. He is right, but it does leave us wondering how the to deal with it when the list gets longer and longer each day. How do you stay close to 1000 people?

A suggestion; consider looking at your Twitter/Facebook/Linkedin followers as an eco system that has a number of sub communities encased within it. Each follower is of equal importance. They are just different. The value, information and engagement you have may be diverse. Look at the communities that are local, where you can meet face to face. Or remotely-based where ‘eye balling’ will be difficult. Perhaps it might be business sector or interest specific. Then use the tools we have to converse, share, participate on a regular basis with ‘common’ groups of people. And, occasionally mix it up too!

If you are not being attentive or interested, you’re saying something about how much that person means to you. It’s about constantly offering recognition and showing people that you have noticed. Everyday we need to be able to demonstrate, as much to ourselves as anyone else, what we have specifically done that has helped/supported the differing groups in our social media communities.

If you don’t do this, then what the hell is the point?